Homer: You don’t like your job, you don’t strike. You go in every day and do it really half-assed. That’s the American way.
To the New York Islanders, the worst team in the NHL. The Isles have 47 points, seven behind the next worst team. They are in heaps of financial trouble and can't get fans into their outdated arena. Oh well, at least they have Rick DiPietro for the next 13 years.
Chief Wiggum: Can’t you people take the law into your own hands? I mean, we can’t be policing the entire city!
To Cal Clutterbuck of the Minnesota Wild, the NHL leader in hits with 253. The 22-year-old winger from Welland, Ontario will have to police the ice even more now that star Marian Gaborik is back from a hip injury.
Homer: Old people don’t need companionship. They need to be isolated and studied so it can be determined what nutrients they have that might be extracted for our personal use.
To Mark Recchi, 41-years-old and still going strong. Recchi was dealt from the hapless Tampa Bay Lightning to the Eastern Conference leading Bruins at the trade deadline, and is having a pretty good year, his 22nd in the NHL. Recchi has 14 goals this season, and will provide leadership and experience for a young Boston club.
Barney: Aaah! Natural light! Get it off me! Get it off me!
To the Winter Classic, which saw the Red Wings beat the Blackhawks in the annual outdoor game. Wrigley Field was sold out, the throwback jerseys looked good, and the new years day game was a success for the league.
Homer: What’s the point of going out? We’re just going to wind up back here anyway.
To the Minnesota Wild, who clearly prefer staying at home in the Xcel Energy Center. The Wild have scored 61 goals on the road this season and allowed 69. Compare that to the 96 goals they've scored at home, and Minnesota is clearly a better team on home ice. The Wild are 18-11-5 at home, and 13-16-0 on the road so far this season.
Homer: I'm normally not a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me Superman!
To Alexander Ovechkin, who has played like Superman for much of this season. Alexander the Great leads the NHL in goals with 46 and is second in points with 83. Ovechkin's Capitals are right in the thick of the fight for home ice advantage throughout the playoffs.
Flanders: I think we hit something!
Homer: I hope its Flanders
To the developing rivalry between the superstars of the Penguins--Crosby and Malkin--and Alexander Ovechkin. First it was Malkin and Ovie squabbling before the all-star game, then it was Crosby saying he didn't like Ovechkin's over the top celebrations after scoring a goal. This rivalry could get more interesting down the line.
Homer: Remember as far as anyone knows, we're a nice normal family
To the New York Rangers, who have struggled mightily to score goals, despite doling out huge contracts to the likes of Drury, Gomez, Rozsival, and Redden. The Rangers sub-par play cost head coach Tom Renney his job, and the club is barely hanging on to one of the final few playoff spots in the east.
Moe: Enough chit-chat, let's see how you like flaming trash!
Our final quote goes to the San Jose Sharks, who will be hearing things like this if they fall short in the postseason once again. San Jose has been known as a team that hasn't gotten it done in the playoffs. With the team they have this season, it had better not happen again for the sake--and sanity--of their fans.
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